Is Anxiety Ruining My Relationship? Understanding the Emotional Roots
A therapist’s guide to anxiety, connection, and why your partner’s “seen” message might not mean they hate you.
If You're Reading This, You're Not Alone (Or Crazy)
You texted them. They replied with “K.”
You immediately spiralled.
Did I say something wrong?
Are they annoyed with me?
Am I too much?
Why do I feel this shaky over a one-letter message?
If this feels familiar, you’re in the right place.
Anxiety, particularly the relational kind, has a way of hijacking our thoughts, tightening our chest, and convincing us that something is wrong, even when everything is technically fine.
So, let’s answer the big question honestly:
Is Anxiety Ruining My Relationship?
Short answer: Not necessarily.
Longer answer: Anxiety isn't the villain, but it might be trying to protect you from deeper emotional fears.
In Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), we don’t treat anxiety like a nuisance to be silenced. We see it as a signal, often pointing to unmet emotional needs, attachment fears, or pain from past experiences that haven’t been fully processed.
What Relationship Anxiety Really Sounds Like
You might not even call it anxiety.
You might just say:
“I’m always second-guessing myself.”
“I worry I’m too needy.”
“I hate how much I care about what they think.”
“I feel anxious when I don’t hear back, even if it’s only been 15 minutes.”
“I’m just too sensitive”
This isn’t drama. It’s not overreacting.
It’s an emotional alarm - a deeper part of you trying to make sense of what feels uncertain, or even unsafe.
The Emotional Logic Behind Your Panic
Here’s what anxiety often does in relationships:
Anticipates rejection before it happens (preemptive heartbreak)
Interprets neutral behaviour as negative (“They seem quieter, I’ve done something wrong.”)
Creates stories based on past emotional wounds (“They’ll leave, like my ex did…”)
Anxiety wants certainty.
But relationships are inherently uncertain, which is why your nervous system might be constantly scanning for danger, even when there is none.
What Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) Offers Instead of Advice
Most quick-fix articles will tell you to:
“Communicate more!”
“Set boundaries!”
“Just stop overthinking!”
That advice can be helpful, but only if it’s rooted in emotional awareness.
EFT helps you slow down and ask:
What’s really happening beneath this anxiety?
What are you afraid would happen if you let yourself trust?
What emotions are being activated, and where do they come from?
Because underneath anxiety, there’s often:
Vulnerability
Fear of abandonment
Longing for connection
A deep desire to feel safe with someone
You don’t need a script. You need emotional permission (and safety) to feel what’s real, and have it held by someone who gets it.
How Online Therapy Can Help
As a Therapist, I help people who struggle with:
Relationship anxiety
Emotional overwhelm
Overthinking and second-guessing
Fear of abandonment or not being "enough"
And I do it online, so you can show up messy, uncertain, and completely human from wherever you are in the UK or Europe.
Therapy isn’t about becoming “chill.” It’s about understanding why you’ve had to be hyper-alert in the first place, and creating enough safety to soften.
If you’re tired of over-analyzing every text, every pause, and every shift in tone - I see you.
You’re not broken.
You’re wired for connection - and maybe you’ve never been taught how to feel emotionally safe within it.
That’s what therapy can offer.
Not advice, but a new relationship: with yourself, your emotions, and your nervous system.
Book a free online consultation
Alex 🧡