A lot of LGBTQIA+ people I work with have spent years learning how to read situations, anticipate other people's reactions, and adjust themselves depending on where they are or who they're around. Maybe you've had to explain parts of yourself repeatedly, felt misunderstood by people around you, or found yourself questioning whether you're "allowed" to feel the way you do.

Over time, those experiences can start to shape the way we see ourselves. We can become disconnected from our own feelings, unsure or minimising of our needs, or so used to adapting that we don't always know what it feels like to know what feels true for us.

When we spend years learning to monitor, adapt, or protect parts of ourselves, it makes sense that these experiences can become internalised. We might start believing we need to be better, easier, calmer, or more acceptable in order to belong. This can show up as perfectionism, people pleasing, masking, and constantly looking outside ourselves for reassurance. We may become really skilled at reading others and meeting their needs, but struggle to recognise our own. We might intellectualise our emotions, analysing or overthinking rather than feeling what’s hurting underneath, or find ourselves shrinking parts of who we are to feel safe.